My Epiphany
by oxtenshixo
Summary: After his break-up with Ginny Harry is left confused about his true feelings.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

AN: Sorry I haven't updated any of my other stories. I have the worse case of writter's block on almost everything I wrote before. Tell me what you think.

My Epiphany

I'm confused.

I mean I've been confused before, but this time takes the cake.

I can't figure out where I went wrong or if I went wrong for that matter. Only a short time ago I fancied myself in love with Ginevra Weasley, but now… now I'm confused.

One moment we're at Dumbledore's funeral and then I find myself breaking up with her for her own good, but she said something to me that got me thinking. I mean the type of thinking that would make Hermione proud of me, but now is not the time to be thinking about her.

While I was breaking up with Ginny she told me that she knew that I could only be happy if I was chasing after Voldemort.

I mean come on.

Anyone with half a brain cell knows that I don't enjoy fighting Voldemort. I don't choose to do so. I have to.

I thought if anyone would know that it would be the girl who claims to love me above all else, but even she didn't know.

All she sees is a warrior.

A hero.

Someone who fights the bad guys and makes everything ok.

She sees The-Boy-Who-Lived and not just Harry.

Ginny doesn't see me for who I truly am and that hurts. I tried to lose myself in her, but it turns out she only opened my eyes to everything around me.

How can I lose myself in someone who won't forget what I don't want to remember?

I can't. There's just no way.

But that leads me to wonder that if Ginny Weasley can't forget that I'm just Harry and not The-Boy-Who-Lived how can anyone? The Weasleys are supposed to be my second family and even she can't look beyond the surface.

Which leads me to even more questions that I can't seem to answer.

Would I ever find someone that I can spend my life with?

Anyone who can look at me and see just Harry? The clumsy yet loyal man that would give anything to have his family back. The man who hates the spotlight and just wants to lead a quiet life surrounded by loved ones.

Someone who doesn't always want something from me?

It's a very disappointing thought.

Even after all this I still find myself trying to imagine my life with Ginny Weasley, but another oddly disturbing thought pushes its way into my mind.

Ginny bares a striking resemblance to my late mother.

That thought causes a disgusting shiver to run down my spine. I hadn't noticed it immediately, but I had gotten bored one day and found myself skimming through my parent's wedding album.

Ron had walked in and freaked out, thinking that Ginny and I dressed up in wedding outfits. My best mate tends to be a little dense, but that got me thinking. If my best mate, her brother, thought we resembled my mother and father there's a problem.

I know I look like the carbon copy of my father, but my future wife shouldn't look like the carbon copy of my mother. I'm not into that kind of thing.

I think I'm going to get Hermione's advice.

If anything she'll be the one to tell me what's going on. She always seems to put things into perspective for me.

Always seems to know just what to say no matter what the situation. So I start walking to the room she and Ginny share only to overhear a very interesting conversation.

-

"Hermione I need your help."

Hermione sighs. "What is it?"

"I think Harry's mad at me."

"What gives you that idea?"

"He's been distant since Dumbledore's funeral."

"That can be for a number of reasons Ginny. Don't worry about it too much."

"What reasons?"

Hermione sighs again. "Harry looked to Dumbledore for a lot of answers. In a way Dumbledore represented the difference between what is good and what is evil."

"But he knows the difference!"

"Of course he does, but Dumbledore helped share the weight of the wizarding with Harry."

"I don't think that's it though."

"Nothing else happened."

"You don't know everything about Harry." Ginny's voice held a smug quality.

"I don't presume to think I do. Is there a reason you wanted my help or are you going to start spitting in my face like a rabid dog."

"Sorry. Its just. Harry broke up with me."

"I see."

"I think I might have said the wrong thing."

Hermione didn't answer immediately. "What did you say to him?"

"What makes you think I said something wrong?"

I could just imagine Hermione rolling her eyes at Ginny's stupid question. "You just told me you think you said the wrong thing."

"Yeah, sorry. I told him that I knew he couldn't be happy unless he was fighting Voldemort." Ginny replied hesitantly.

"You said what?!"

"What? How is that bad?"

"Maybe because it's the farthest thing from the truth."

"No its not!"

"Fine what gives you that bloody idea?"

"Harry continually feels the need to fight him. He didn't have to go into the Chamber of Secrets and save me. He didn't have to go to the Department of Mysteries. He chose to do all of those things."

"I'm surprised at you. Harry hates the fact that he has to fight Voldemort. He doesn't have a choice in the matter. He didn't go into the Chamber of Secrets thinking that Voldemort would be there, but he risked his life to save you because no one else would. He went to the Department of Mysteries because of Sirius. He thought Sirius was in danger. The only reason Harry does any of those things is because he is a good person and can't bare to leave someone to fight on their own."

"I don't believe that. I'm pretty sure I know him better then you. I mean I dated him."

"For three months! Get over yourself. I've been Harry's best friend for six years. You barely scrapped the surface. Stop acting as if you understand what Harry's going through, you'll only embarrass yourself."

"Don't talk to me like that! You don't even understand him the way I do. What we share is something special."

"I don't pretend to. I accept him as he is, as he always has been. Besides, from your earlier statement you two share nothing anymore."

"But he doesn't love you… he loves me."

"That may be, but that has nothing to do with who knows him better."

"But its important to me." Ginny whined.

Hermione paused for a couple minutes before she spoke softly. "Did he ever tell you that? Did he ever say 'I love you, Ginny'?." There was a long pause before Hermione spoke again. "I didn't think so."

"You're just jealous."

"There's nothing to be jealous of. Sorry to burst your bubble."

-

When I was sure they were done talking I stepped away from their bedroom door and returned to the library where I tend to do most of my thinking these days. I have a lot to think about.

AN: Don't forget to tell me what you think.


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